This post was supposed to be a short snapshot of an event last week but, as I was trying to make sense of my reaction, it seemed to take on a life of its own, reminding me of another struggle with submission a few years ago.
Baa Baa Black Sheep have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
One morning last week, Harry and I both woke before the 5.45am alarm went off. We lay there, quietly savouring the few more minutes before the clamour of a new day intruded. When the alarm went off I kept my eyes closed but soon became aware that Harry was rearranging the bedding. I turned to see what he was up to - what was the fat bolster doing on the bed? There's only one reason for that and I was soon draped over the thing having my bottom tanned. Afterwards, there was a short question and answer session and the last of my answers was, "Yes."
"Yes, what?" came Harry's response.
I looked at him, puzzled.
"Yes, Sir." he said.
Nooooo! Over five years in and he's never asked me to call him Sir before. I don't want to! I can't do it! I won't!
He smiled, recognising my inner struggle and letting the demand go. It had been a 'just because' spanking, no discipline involved. Maybe he was just teasing me.
As spanking just for fun morphed into ttwd all by itself we never had 'The Conversation', so there was no discussion on what would or wouldn't work. If there had been, calling Harry 'Sir' would have been right up there with corner time on the 'Not on your Nellie' list. Harry remained oblivious to the concept of corner time until a couple of years later, when I wrote a Fantasy Friday story that featured it. Not long after, he gave me a four o'clock appointment and told me, if he were held up in traffic and wasn't home by the appointed time, I was to wait for him in the corner between the dresser and the wardrobe. Back then, an appointment was specifically for a 'reminder' and I would wait for him in our room, sitting on the bed, bottom already bared. There was no way I was going into that corner, half-naked or otherwise, and I told him so. He said that was up to me but non-compliance would be met with the wooden paddle.
After I was up and about and had drunk enough coffee to start my day, I walked into the corner to see how it felt. I barely managed ten seconds. I tried again at lunchtime but the result was just the same. I wasn't too worried about the wooden paddle. Harry might take me over my limit for my obstinacy but he isn't a tyrant. That wasn't the real issue. I knew he would be disappointed that I'd flouted his wishes. But I couldn't do it, I really couldn't, it was just too humiliating. I was still pretty much a lurker in Blogland then but I had a good friend in Jan, our lovely English Rose, and decided to email her for advice. Unfortunately for me, she was out for the day but, as four o'clock approached and Harry wasn't home, I felt sure she would have told me to do what he wanted. Harry was only five minutes late but it felt like an eternity in that corner. Jan's email, urging me to do as he wanted, pinged into my inbox halfway through the spanking. She thought he was probably testing his power and I'm sure she was right. He's never asked me to do it since.
I don't know what prompted Harry to throw in the 'Sir' response; nor can I make sense of my strong reaction, because I am not the same person I was five years ago. Oh, yes, I'm still the same strong, intelligent, person I always was but I am now a better, happier, version of me. One who revels in her husband's assertiveness and has more respect for him than ever before. One who will say "Sir" should he require it in future.
Rosie